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14 June 2009 / April


Even if I don’t write about the last day of high school, because I can’t, or about prom, because I can’t, I think I still owe y’all approximately two blog posts.  Including one about the FIVE RECITALS I have attended/performed at during the past THREE DAYS.  Talk about poor planning, universe. But I’m not complaining, because if I start complaining about that then holy shit are there a lot of other things I could be complaining about.

At any rate, what I’m getting at is that I’m not providing either of those blog posts for you this evening because I feel like my head has been run over by a herd of elephants.  Despite getting to sleep at like 3 AM last night, I still managed to wake up at 6 AM for no fucking reason at all.  Also, I’ve only eaten one meal today.  Missing: April’s appetite.  Last seen sometime last week.  If found, please call–

Oh, which REMINDS ME.

On Saturday, my beloved mother dropped my cell phone on the sidewalk, and so my cell phone of four years, which has survived so much, is fucked.  It lasted me throughout high school and not a day longer.

Actually, it’s still mostly surviving.  The only thing that’s wrong is that the person I’m calling hears only scratchy staticky noises instead of, um, me.  A minor issue.

But as my sister and I learned this afternoon, it is actually incredibly amusing to attempt to hold a conversation over this fucked up cell phone.  It’s like having two one-sided conversations, instead of a two-sided conversation.

I invite you, assuming you are not a sketchy creeper, to call my cell to experiment.  Here is what will happen.  I will detect my phone ringing as normal, pick it up and say “Hello?” out of sheer habit, because you will only hear scratchy staticky noises unless you listen very closely and I speak very loudly.  I will hear similar scratchy staticky noises, but also your voice pretty coherently.  You will then rant into the soothing void of white noise while I listen and make scathing sarcastic comments that you will not hear.

For added fun, you could treat it as some sort of conduit into the spirit world and ask profound and prophetic questions, and listen for profound and prophetic answers from the white noise void.  I totally just made up that idea, but it sounds awesome and someone should call me to execute it.

Fuck, I need a new cell phone.



Leave a Comment
  1. Kati / Jun 14 2009 9:33 pm

    I think I’m gonna call your phone now.

    I totally will, too.

    • April / Jun 14 2009 10:09 pm

      … Best phone conversation ever? I think yes.

  2. Kati / Jun 15 2009 12:10 pm

    I wonder what you were actually saying…

  3. Amy / Jun 15 2009 7:00 pm

    Uh, scathing sarcastic comments? I was not aware…

  4. April / Jun 15 2009 8:32 pm

    Unfortunately I do not remember any specifics.

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