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5 July 2007 / April

The wisdom of toothpaste

My toothpaste thinks I’m stupid.

How do I know this? Because it tells me, “For best results, squeeze tube from bottom and flatten as you go up.”

Thank you, o great wise toothpaste, for this spark of enlightenment.

Seriously, though, I find this bit of advice totally unnecessary and a bit insulting. With regards to using toothpaste, I humbly hypothesize that most people fall into one of two classes:
1) They care, in which case they’ve already figured this out.
2) They don’t care, in which case… they don’t care.

I certainly hope Crest doesn’t get a lot of fan mail along the lines of, “Thanks so much for telling me how to best use this toothpaste!!! Now brushing my teeth is better than ever, because I know to squeeze the tube from the bottom! You totally saved my life!!!!!!”

These people would belong to a hopefully extinct class of people, specifically, 3) They care, and they are idiots.

On the other hand, humanity never fails to surprise us all.

This is definitely the most interesting thing I’ve come across on a tube of toothpaste since “Whitening Mint Experience!”

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One Comment

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  1. B / Jul 5 2007 10:48 pm

    According to my family, I commit a great crime in not squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom up. I never realized there was a WRONG way to squeeze a toothpaste tube…I just squeeze wherever there’s toothpaste in the tube until it comes out! But one family member once got very upset with me for “doing it all wrong”. Since, I have tried to pay a bit more attention for their sake…but honestly, I really don’t care. It’s toothpaste! lol

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